Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Sometimes life feels incredibly overwhelming.

I won't go into the details why my life is so effed up (aha fml)...
Most of it is my own doing, which I could undo if I had the empowerment to do so. I mean, say I wanted to lose weight, well that's pretty simple right? Go for walks and don't eat any crap. There, done. The only thing is, when you're so depressed and disastisfied with things, it's hard to want to open up, go out there, and be happy. It's also hard to give up your sole comfort; one that is cheap to buy, yummy to eat, and emotionally satisfying at least for a while. Of course the consequences (grabs flab) suck, but it's all I've got at the moment. It's a vicious circle, really; you won't have anything until you give up those bad things, but you don't want to give up those bad things because you're giving up the only things you have. Once you do give up the bad things, and wait a while, it's like you're suddenly on the other side, and the only fear you have is that you will slip back. While you're suddenly on this path to happiness, good things start to enter your l ife - maybe more guys are interested in you, you can fit all sorts of lovely clothes, you start really wanting to improve your life - but, inevitably, something very BAD happens... something that makes all of the good things somehow meaningless in your life. Then you slip back, and then you're in hell once again.

I guess that's it. My outlook is obviously very bleak at the moment, which is fine. It's my problem to deal with. Writing about it just clears my head.